sooooo...woo...

So the same stuff has been going on lately as the last post...

I'll be driving the street sweeper this spring for clean up, I actually don't really want too but what the hell. It's another machine I'll learn how to operate. I've been talking alot about concrete this summer and how jay expects me to go on mudjacking... I said I would consider it...that doesn't mean yes. Poor guy is most likely going to get a shock when I choose landscaping or something else. but who knows. I know if I choose something that he isn't the foreman for, He and some others won't look at me the same anymore, It shouldn't be like that... but... I've come to terms with it. It's my choice, and I shouldn't feel obligated to work in a section that I don't really want too, just because I'm worried about disappointing jay. He's not my dad.

I went to J-bobs this weekend for a visit, it was nice. We just talked about what was new and work and shit. I think if there was anybody I'd like to hang out with more from the band, It's him.

He and I talked about where the band is going and how we need to start jamming again, it was pretty straight forward. Just jam casually, have a good time. And then John came to visit and started talking about treating it like a business and blahblahblahbullshit. Then he said that adam had issues with us and blahblahblahbullshit. Then he said that he had some too, and sometimes he questioned how seriously Jono and I took the band.

I sat there quietly and replied with a simple "I don't" ... lol... this bothered him. I hadn't told him why I don't.

here are a few reasons:
-Nobody else obviously does
-Any shows we've played, we'd finish our set and they would all fuck off and get high while Jono and I stuck around and met people.
-Showing up retardedly late for jams, Jono and I wouldn't say anything and then we'd show up 30 minutes late to some pissed off people. The same people who were late on many other occasions.
-cancelling for dumb reasons.
-Not jamming for weeks at a time, and then getting random calls about jamming in a couple hours... Not going to work... I've said it 1000 fuckin' times, And all I got was whining about saying no and how my committment was being questioned. So I just ignored the phone calls, and of course... that became an issue too.
and the list goes on...

The simple fact is this, We are all too busy, We are all too tired, and we are all too old to take this band thing seriously. But it is a part of what we do. So I'm down with jamming casually, getting some decent recordings. Maybe playing a show here and there, and sending a demo off and hoping to get a call back. But I don't take it seriously anymore, and I don't think I ever will again.

We'll see what happens.

2 years later....

So random update... I totally forgot about lj and this blog. It was fun to read the entries again though.
=================================================
WORK:
So after working in the yards and in the loader. I bid on an operator position, and got it. I got the class three licence and when winter came I had the choice of working afternoon shift 3:30 - 11:30. Or night shift, I chose nightshift which was 11 - 7 because it worked best for the band. I somewhat regret that decision to be honest, because now I feel almost obligated to go on nightshift.

I started on nights and by the end of the season I was getting along with my foreman and workmates just fine. I decided to stick with this crew, So when summer came and we all got to choose our jobs. I chose concrete, The concrete work was much harder, much more productive than the others. Which was fine, because I got a good workout. However, at times I felt as though the work that was being done went unnoticed, and the work that was missed was being exaggerated to the fullest. In otherwords, things would only be said when we weren't able to keep up.
And knowing me, always trying to impress people. This only made me feel useless and extremely bitter. This was noticed by Lindsay and Jono, So this year, I told my boss that I'm not going to bid on concrete, he tried negotiating the possibility of me working in another dept. that he runs. I'm thinking about it as I would still get to see the crew, but I wouldn't have to work with them.
My foreman was saying that if all other positions are filled then I should bid on concrete and he'll transfer me... This is where it comes down to trust, If I bid on concrete, then I'm on that crew officially... and it's his choice on what I do and where I go. I could take a shot at something else, As shocked as my foreman may be. I told him that I wasn't going too... and he just kinda decided on his own what I will do. So I'm thinking of just bidding on something else...suprise! :D
===================================================================

LIFE:
Since I started working midnights in winter and concrete in summer. I've found that my motivation is limited. I think back to when I moved here, I wanted to get outside. And now I'm just kinda here... I would rather sit inside at all times. Sometimes I feel as though I zone out for huge periods of time.

My finances are more now, and I think that they could be related. I realized how much money I owed on all my stuff, so I just went into a mode where I just work, and come home. pay my bills and wait it out, they'll be paid off eventually.

Lately I've been a little more motivated to make larger payments instead of nickel and diming my bank account with dumb stuff like movies and video games.

I'm starting to feel as though my work and my life are melding together in a negative fashion.

Maybe it's time to find a new job???
--------------------------------------------------------------------

LOVE:
I don't think she's enjoying her time here, I've failed to provide any reason to stay... yet she does. It doesn't make sense, but in a way it makes me happy. I think I'd be miserable knowing that she wasn't around. Sounds like love to me...
--------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm bored of this, I'll update later.